Dr. Hendrick J. Avercamp

Emily had another seizure during the night. I am by no means an expert, but it seemed worse than last time -- longer, at least. She also managed to knock her head rather solidly against an end table, although thankfully she seems to have sustained nothing more serious than a nasty lump from it. I carried her back to her own room afterwards -- she is a good deal heavier than she looks! I am certainly feeling it today, but I was not about to let her spend the rest of the night on the living room floor. She was rather, well... clingy, for lack of a better word. It was a little strange, but I didn't know what else I could do for her. I stayed until she was ready to go to sleep; that was at about 0400. Too rattled to sleep myself, I ended up just doing a bit of reading -- I think that I managed to doze off an hour or so before my alarm sounded.

I hope we will hear from Dr. Armanno soon...

I plan to see Talia this evening, at least for a little while. With all these new developments over the past week, we have not spent as much time together as I would like. When I do see her, she continues to put up her artificially cheerful front... I am going to talk to her about it again; I suppose that is all I can do. I thought about asking her mother about what happened between the two of them, but thought better of it in the end. I wish to God that woman would have just left Talia alone. This is not something we needed to be dealing with two weeks before our wedding.

I cannot seem to find any escape from the stress in my life. Work is the same rumour and drama mill it always has been, with the added bonus of Austronesian surveillance. At home I am constantly dealing with Emily's psychological trauma and worrying about her medical condition; and I dread returning to the house some evening to find that she has somehow seriously injured herself during a fit. I am forced to watch my fiancée suffer under the weight of some burden she can't trust me enough to share. The wedding itself fills me with irrational panic. And of course, every time I turn around someone reminds me that the Austronesians are watching, that they might come at any moment... It is all too much. I need some kind of respite, but none seems forthcoming.

I am still practicing the meditative exercises Dr. Zeng prescribed, and they do help, somewhat -- I haven't snapped yet, at any rate. Something has got to give, though. I can't keep this up.

So, Europe has finally come. Perhaps this will all be over soon... although I have the feeling things will get worse before the end. Austronesia will not give up without a fight. Nevertheless, one cannot help but notice a certain latent energy around the station today; a sort of nervous excitement over what will happen next... I can't fully bring myself to engage with this atmosphere of optimism, even as guarded as it is. I just don't have the energy. While I realize, of course, that there are others who are in far worse situations, I find myself feeling worn out, beaten down by all that is going on right now.

I dreamed about Makeva last night, for the first time in... well, it must be close to a year now. I had all but forgotten how painfully vivid these nightmares can be. Everything is so absolutely, terrifyingly real, up until the precise instant of awakening. Her cold dead hands on my skin, her hair dripping icy reddish water... and that manic grin... Christ, I am not going to write any more about this. I remember it all too clearly as it is.

Anyhow, because the situation wasn't quite unpleasant enough, I managed to wake up Eiwohi, who was none too impressed. Then, while I was trying to settle him down some, Emily came out and started asking if everything was alright... It was extremely awkward. I can't say that I am especially looking forward to going home this evening...

I don't understand why she would feel that she can't confide in me. I want to believe that she just needs some time, and that she will tell me when she is ready, but... being shut out like this is very hard to take. The act she is putting on at the moment is damned unnerving, as well. That forced laugh and pasted-on smile... It sends a chill down my spine. Why? Why is she doing this? She can't possibly think it is convincing...

I feel so very useless. All I want to do is help her. I love her. We are supposed to be getting married in under a month now... and she cannot even trust me with this. It kills me to sit there and watch her suffer, with my hands tied in this fashion. I don't know... perhaps I should have pressed her harder.

Dinner this evening was rather excruciating. I have never in my life seen someone so excited over bisque -- or feign it so animatedly, at least. How long can she keep this up? I know for a fact that it cannot possibly be healthy. Certain of these affected mannerisms give me a most unsettling feeling of déjà-vu... I was barely able to eat anything, myself; by the time I got home I felt sick to my stomach. I don't know how to deal with her like this.

I am just going to lie down for a while. I have such a headache...

It has been two days now since Emily arrived here. So far it has been, well... strange, I suppose. She has obviously suffered a severe psychological trauma; and despite my own personal experiences I find I really have no idea of how to deal with it in another person. For the moment I am just trying to be as accommodating as possible. She does seem to be at least slightly better off now than when she arrived... well, most of the time, anyway. It's entirely possible she is just doing a better job of hiding it. Even after all that has happened, she remains -- in some ways, at least -- stubborn to a fault.  She insists on helping with every little thing. I do not mind the assistance  -- she is particularly adept with Eiwohi -- but I do not to make her into a maid, either... More serious, however, is her failure to mention a rather crucial it of information regarding her medical status.

She was involved in some kind of motor vehicle accident in her youth which left her afflicted with severe seizures. They can be controlled with medication; but since the escape on Sunday, she has not been able to obtain any. Of course, she neglected to share any of this until she felt she was about to have an episode. I don't know whether she thought she was going to be able to suppress them through sheer force of will, or whether she was too embarrassed to admit her 'weakness' until the last possible moment...

We managed to get her into her room before the worst of it, although she still ended up on the floor. It was absolutely horrific to watch; the worst part (for myself, of course) being that it was all that I could do. I realize that there would have been just as little to do if I had known about her condition beforehand; nevertheless, some warning would certainly not have gone amiss... After it was all over, she was -- understandably -- completely exhausted; she has been sleeping ever since.

I have fibbed Dr. Macgregor to see if there is any possibility of obtaining the drugs that she needs. I fear it is unlikely that he will succeed where Vydra failed, but there is no harm in asking.

Well, it has been an exceedingly tiring day. I think that I shall look in on Emily once more and then try to get some rest myself.

Talia took the news about as well as could be expected, I guess -- that is to say, not particularly well. At first she seemed to be in a kind of shock, and didn't want to deal with her at all, but she eventually (reluctantly) decided that she would meet with Dr. Woolsey once, anyway. I feel rather at a loss, myself. Talia is obviously very unhappy about all of this; she has scarcely been herself since I told her. I want to help her; I hate seeing her upset, but I have no idea what to do. She says this is something she must do on her own, and is unwilling to talk about it at all. I can't help but feel somewhat hurt that she does not want to confide in me... but I refuse to push her into anything. All I can do is be there when she does need me...

In other news, I spoke with Jules this afternoon, and it seems that the Austronesians are paying me rather more attention than I had suspected, or would like. The Chancellor has been asking him all sorts of questions over the past week about my relationship with Emily. Doubtless this is in connection to the Tengrists' unsanctioned release this weekend... I trust that Jules would not have told the Austronesians anything incriminating, but nevertheless, I am no longer so certain of the wisdom of harbouring Emily at my apartment. What if it is the first place they look for her? I could say whatever I like about the lawfulness of searching a private home without just cause, but of course Austronesian 'law' is hardly what I am used to. Still, at this late hour, I don't know that an alternative would be readily available, or even any better. They are quite likely investigating anyone even remotely suspected of resistance involvement. I will just have to be as careful as I possibly can be... It would be ideal, of course, if some opportunity to smuggle her back to Eho were to appear, but that does not seem very likely... Not just now, at any rate.

It has been a quiet, and mercifully uneventful week since the lockdown ended Monday afternoon. Talia was eventually ordered to return to her home, but otherwise was left alone by the Austronesians. She managed to get quite a bit of footage, even if she couldn't get as close to the action as she would have liked. I must admit that I was not quite as disappointed over that as she was; I was half out of my head worrying about her anyway.

I finally received some word this afternoon about Emily and the other Tengrists. Their rescuers are going to be moving them individually to [hopefully] safe locations. They want to place Emily with me... Well, it has been a long time since I have had to share my space with anyone, but it is the least that I can do. I wonder what kind of shape she will be in, after all that time with the Austronesians. I cannot even imagine what her ordeal has been like...

I am going to have to try and speak to Talia before Emily arrives. I am uncomfortable putting it off any longer, and after the few days' peace we have had, it seems like as good a time as any. I wish that I knew how she would take the news. I have a sinking feeling that she will not react especially well, particularly given my lack of skill with these sorts of situations...

Yesterday was rather a long day...

Deborah Woolsey came by to see me this afternoon. She is a former instructor of Emily's from the Folkloristics department, and at first it seemed like she was only looking for more information on her case. Of course, I had nothing new to tell her in that regard. Then she started asking me about Talia, at which point I knew that something was off...

She says that she is her mother. According to her, Talia's father left her when she was only a child, and cut her mother out of their lives entirely; it is only since she came to the colony that Dr. Woolsey has seen her at all. She told me that she had originally intended to leave well enough alone, not knowing what Talia's father may or may not have told her; but that now, with all the uncertainty and upheaval, she does not want to lose whatever chance she might have of contacting her daughter. And of course, she wants my help.

Talia has never really mentioned her mother to me... I knew that she was raised by her father, and that a maternal figure was not in the picture, but I never thought to inquire as to why exactly. I suppose that makes me insensitive... So of course, I have no idea what actually happened between this woman and Talia's father, much less what he might have relayed to her. Dr. Woolsey gives one the impression that it would not have been accurate or positive, but I have never met the man, so who am I to say? Dr. Woolsey is barely more than a professional acquaintance herself... except that now she could be my mother-in-law. Christ.

I told her that I would tell Talia she had contacted me. It seemed the only fair thing to do. She deserves at the very least to have the opportunity to speak to her daughter, but I think it would be better for someone she knows to break the news to her... After that, she can decide for herself what level of contact, if any, she wants to have with her mother. However, I have no idea how I can do this. The last thing I want to do is create additional stress in Talia's life. I thought at first that perhaps the best tactic would be to get it over with quickly; I would tell her this afternoon and then she would have a few days to calm down before her birthday, at least. But then, it turned out that she'd had an especially nerve-wracking day herself already.

She has had a brush with the Austronesians while (illegally) investigating a raid for Veritas. They let her go, but she is quite understandably afraid that once the piece airs, she will have to answer for it. She was almost in tears as it was... so I put it off. I made her some dinner, and generally tried to take her mind off things for the rest of the evening...

I am not sure when I will be able to broach the topic, now. I certainly don't want to ruin her birthday; she deserves a break from all this stress. It will have to wait until after the weekend, at least. On the other hand, I don't think it would be fair to leave Dr. Woolsey in limbo indefinitely, either...

I am not looking forward to this.

I am reminded once again of how truly amazing Talia is, and how amazingly lucky I am to have her. She told me that if I decided to leave for Eho, she would go with me. Of course, that is not something I a going to do, however much I might want to, but still... She would have done that, for me. I have no idea why. I ought to stop being such a depressing old bastard all the time, and appreciate her more...

She and Alula Casavez have just started up an independent media outlet, called Veritas Media. Talia is going to be the head anchor, which I think is wonderful. Not only is it nice to see her so excited about the project, but I do think it will be a great addition to the subversive effort.

Her birthday is coming up next Saturday. I would like to do something particularly special for her, but alas, it seems I am not a terribly creative person. I can't come up with anything I feel is all that interesting. I know that she is fond of jewelry, but again, that is not incredibly original, is it? Maybe I could ask Tufitri for some advice... or perhaps that is an astonishingly bad idea.

I had an unsettling visit from Suriana Empat-Bakti the other day. She was attempting, it seemed, to rattle me into saying something incriminating about Emily, or myself. I think that I handled the situation adequately enough -- she may not be convinced of my non-involvement, anyway, but I don't think that I gave her any answers that she could use. Of course, it is entirely possible that the Austronesians will simply invent whatever they wish. Our little tête-à-tête did have the [presumably] desired effect, however, of leaving me rather shaken, although I tried not to let it on. I am somewhat comforted, at least, that there was no mention whatsoever of Dr. Macgregor, or Talia. This means they do not know as much as they could; the security measures we are taking work well enough for that, anyway.

Talia is less convinced of their efficacity... I wish that there was some way I could reassure her. Of course, nothing like this is ever going to be entirely without risk, but I do think she is worrying excessively. She seems so unhappy, so stressed out; and I feel rather helpless, I suppose -- even guilty...

Speaking of which, Wiyei came by this afternoon, making her the latest person to try to convince me to leave Perseity, and the resistance. She wants to return home; she is -- understandably -- worried about her safety, and that of Eiwohi, should the Austronesians move against the Auia. Apparently Ssurentai has been telling her that it is likely to happen soon. This situation, of course, is complicated by the fact that Eiwohi's fostering is not yet finished. She is unwilling to leave him behind (of course, since he is probably the major reason for her leaving); and I cannot bring myself to leave the colony, especially not now, with Emily possibly facing execution. 

The guilt is starting to get to me. I can't ignore the fact that I am putting someone else's child in danger through my involvement with the resistance. I also cannot help but feel like I could have done more to keep Emily from the mess she has gotten herself into. I have a constant and unpleasant twisting sensation in the pit of my stomach...

Emily has been arrested again. Apparently the Tengrists decided to stage some sort of protest, which the Austronesians allege erupted into 'a violent mélée,' although God only knows what actually happened. Their propagandists certainly have a way with words...

One dead, six injured, fourteen arrested. What could she have been thinking? How could she possibly have thought that this could end well? I hope that at the very least one of them thought to document the event... and that this hypothetical person is not among the incarcerated. Reliable information on this incident would be priceless. At least something might come of this catastrophe, then.

I shudder to think what will happen to Emily now. The report took special care to remind its audience of the allegations of cannibalism against her -- it could indicate they intend to make some sort of example of her, and are seeking to demonize her in order to legitimize whatever verdict and/or sentence they decide to levy. Perhaps Dr. Macgregor can shed some more light on what we can expect next...

I decided in the end to return to this format, after all. Who can say whether it is actually any more secure than a fib journal... For some reason, however, I do find it oddly reassuring, in these unsettled times.

The Austronesians are taking more and more liberties these days, in more ways than one. They are no longer content to merely censor the press; according to Talia, they plan to start actively churning out their own propaganda in the very near future -- after hiring some respectable new Austronesian reporters, of course. Talia herself is no longer employed with the Talaria. Her editor, who expects to be dismissed herself before very much longer, terminated her contract in order to free her up for some other project she has in mind. I only hope that this will not cause problems with her immigration status. I worry -- although I have not said anything to her about it, of course -- that, depending on how things progress, the administration might use the termination of her Talaria contract as an excuse to deport her back to America. As usual, I can only hope that this is mere paranoia.

The other major news is the raid on the Tengrist temple. The 'report' on the incident issued by the revamped Talaria presents it as a drug seizure, which to many --especially those already suspicious of the organization and its reputation -- will likely seem all too plausible. I have not spoken to Emily since the article came out; I expect she and her fellows are still in the process of recovering from what was certainly a very traumatic event. I would not want to intrude on that; there is nothing urgent that we need to discuss, anyway.

My biggest worry of the moment -- also my most acute annoyance -- comes courtesy of Dorota Malasko, who stood endlessly shrieking outside my office this afternoon about my 'resistance activities.' It seems that Reginute has been regaling her with tales of the glorious revolution, probably in an extremely misguided attempt to ingratiate herself to that colour-blind manatee... She has even given her the names of the other students involved -- as well as my own -- which has convinced Dorota that we are in the midst of a departmental crisis. Even once inside my office, she could not keep her baying to a sane decibel level. I hate to think of who might have overheard... I presented a front of feigned ignorance and not-so-feigned annoyance, attempting to dismiss it as merely an example of students' armchair activism, but she was doggedly set on making an issue of it. She informed me that she meant to take the matter to Jules... at which point I said the first unpleasant thing that came into my head. It earned me a slap across the face, but the look on hers was worth it, if I may permit myself a moment of pettiness... If I managed to introduce even an iota of guilt into her bovine heart, she may even think twice about going to Jules. I am not really deluding myself on that front, however; I am hardly that lucky.

I have sent a fib to Dr. Macgregor about Reginute, and will speak to him about all of this, hopefully very soon. I hope that it will not cause as many problems as I think it might.

It seems I have been remiss in my journalling of late. I suppose that might be because it requires a more conscious effort to take a book out and actually write in it, as opposed to just jotting down a few notes on my fib in between whatever projects I happen to be working on. Now that my fib is secure, however, I expect I shall be making more regular use of this feature again. Perhaps I should summarize a few recent happenings, if only for the mnemonic purposes.

Anske and Adele have now left Perseity; in fact, they departed nearly two weeks ago, now that I think about it. Thankfully, they will be settling in Zaandam, where things ought to be somewhat quieter for a while yet, at least. He was still hopeful that I would go with them; but of course that would have been quite impossible. It was a rather awkward visit -- more so than usual, even. He had told Adele that I still might be coming, and then left it to me to inform her that this was not the case, as well as to answer the inevitable 'why.' I certainly wish that there had been something else I could have told her. Now, I have no idea whatsoever when I might see her again. I suppose I ought to take some sort of consolation, at least, from the fact that my last conversation with my brother did not degenerate into yelling and profanity...

Ah, Eiwohi is clamouring for... something. More later.

It has been a mostly uneventful week, for which I suppose I ought to be thankful. Nevertheless I find myself feeling restless, anxious. I have once again cut all caffeine from my diet, in the hopes that I might return to a somewhat more normal sleep schedule. The sophrology exercises have also been helpful, as always. Still, I do not feel quite myself.

I went down to Anske's apartment this evening to try and corner him into a conversation; but alas, no-one was at home. I am reasonably confident that they have not actually left; I rather doubt that he possesses the organizational skills required to have organized a departure so quickly. No, I suspect he is merely being stubborn... I shall have to call again, perhaps tomorrow after lectures...

I seem to be having some difficulty sleeping, so I might as well continue writing here...

I spoke to Emily Lister about some sort of resistance activity, and she seemed interested -- although unwilling to participate in any actual violence that might ensue, which is fair enough. I had no idea she was a Tengrist. I found the revelation quite surprising; I'm not sure why... In any case, it turns out Councilor Mabrey's girlfriend is a friend of hers. Hopefully, through this Broken-in-Two woman, we will get a chance to speak to Storm soon...

I also told her what I knew of Austronesia's plans for New Whyalla; she was understandably upset...

I wish that my stubborn ass of a brother would answer that message. Why is it so difficult for him, for once in his life, just to listen to me? I may have to go down there in person... It's a prospect I do not relish, but there is simply no way I can let them just go back to New Whyalla. I have to know that they are safe...

I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I find myself questioning so many things, so many decisions. I have taken to writing these notes down rather than entering them into my fib... Am I paranoid? Do I really have any reason to believe that I might be important enough for the Austronesians to watch? If so, then what? What have I gotten myself into?

I was called down to Consul Euhu-waioha-wahu's office the other day, which was a surprise to begin with. However, when I got there, I found the Austronesian ambassador in attendance as well, which put me immediately on guard... with good reason, as it turned out. They were looking to enlist my advice as to how best to conduct the 'forcible relocation' of all New Whyallans so as to minimize the impact on the Auia population. They are actually going to try and legitimize their eviction of an entire country (albeit one populated by repellent savages) with some kind of humanitarian pretext... giving back the Auia everything east of the Gajaren Line. It does sound good on the the surface -- or rather, I can see how it would, from the Consul's perspective, but... First of all, there is no way it could ever be that simple. For one thing, as I have said before and doubtless will again, there are some Auia groups which have fully integrated into Whyallan society, regrettable as that may be. A campaign against the Whyallans would be a horrible, messy, drawn-out affair. They are damnably stubborn even with the littlest of things... And during this struggle, who among Austronesia's allies (or those likely to be perceived as allies, anyway), will be their easiest targets? There are also likely to be countless Auia who are simply caught in the crossfire.

Then, when everything is over, then what? The Austronesians will have a foothold on Eho, from which they can better deal with other nations who have been reluctant to see things their way. Again, if Austronesia styles itself the champion of the Auia, how are these other nations going to treat them when they come to deal with their enemy?

I don't understand how the consul can possibly trust the Ambassador, let alone place the trust of all her people in his slime-coated promises. Austronesia seems to have granted itself the privilege of deciding when international law applies and when it does not. It illegally invades Perseity, but claims that a campaign against New Whyalla serves only to set right an infraction committed 150 years ago? These people operate in the most sneaky, underhanded fashion that I can imagine. How can she think that they will deal with her in good faith? The Auia portion of Nawar would most likely end up as just another theoretically autonomous state of Austronesia. How is it beneficial to climb into bed with militant fascists in order to uproot anarchy?

It is all so indescribably frustrating...

So, I said something to the ambassador which perhaps I shouldn't have. Now, I have no idea if this may have put my name on some sort of list, or whether they will simply deem me too old and harmless to bother with. I can't help but feel nervous, though. I am simply not used to the idea of not being able to speak one's mind, I suppose; and now, who knows. What if I have put myself and my family at risk? Maybe I really am a fool to believe I can make any kind of difference, and all this worry, all this uncertainty is for naught. Maybe my brother was right, for once...

What if Ssurentai and Waiwai think I've made the wrong choice? What if they believe the Austronesians' plan really would be best for the Auia? Doubt is a powerful and pervasive emotion. Still, I don't know what else to do but go on with this...

Jules happened to fib last night about... something; I do not even recall what it was initially, now. We ended up talking about various things, among them Austronesia (of course), and eventually my imbecilic brother and our less than friendly relationship. Then he suggested that we ought to go out somewhere, just to unwind a bit. I should have known better, but it seemed an appealing idea at the time. Regardless of what my sophrologist might have had to day, I thought it might be better, at least, than sitting at home by myself and sinking into a progressively darker mood.

Of course, even at his most conservative (I did notice a rather significant difference in his pace, at least), I have never been able to keep up with Jules...

When I returned home I did find my mood somewhat improved, if artificially so. I decided that I absolutely needed to speak to Talia. I suddenly  had all these things I urgently needed to tell her. This morning I found some of the things I had written down: painfully sophomoric sentimentality. Jules really, really terrible. God, how mortifying. Anyhow, I sent her what I am certain was a thoroughly idiotic fib message. I can only hope that she is not too annoyed...

It is not shaping up to be an especially good day. I think I shall leave the office early if I can manage it.

Pointless. It is utterly pointless to try and talk to him about anything. I am not certain whether he is actually completely incapable of understanding, or merely unwilling to make the attempt. It hardly matters. How can he have such a narrow-minded, such a simplistic view of things? How can he not see that this is going to be bigger than Perseity? And why should it be so utterly absurd that I might wish to do something to try and stop them

He acts as though I am doing this out of some selfish or jealous desire to spite him, and his inane little 'plan' for our blissful familial cohabitation. Maybe in some sort of alternate dimension such a thing might be possible, but... even under ideal circumstances, the odds of my living peacefully with that vapid creature who calls zirself Adele's mother would be slim to none.

It seems that all of our conversations, such as ever they were, are henceforth doomed to degrade rapidly into screaming matches. I don't suppose it will make any difference now. After this latest blowout there is little doubt that Anske and his happy little family will shortly depart Perseity, and not for Zaandam. I should just get used to the fact that Adele is no longer going to be part of my life; and yet, the idea fills me with an indescribable sense of loss. I do not know how exactly it happened, how I became so attached...

I feel so angry, so frustrated... as well as strangely drained and empty. Just once I would like to feel that there is something more between Anske and I than a handful of common chromosomes, and the ability to irritate one another beyond all reason.

I tried to call Talia after he left, but she is hard at work as usual, and has her fib turned off. I was going to leave a message, but then it just seemed so overly needy. I should not be dragging her away from her work every time something goes awry in my life, even if that is very much what I would like to do at the moment. Hopefully I will see her later, anyway...

Now that I have calmed down somewhat, I feel that I should not neglect the one piece of good news to come out of the past few days. Talia and I have been discussing dates, and she has decided that she would like to finalize things on the fourteenth of February. That at least is set, then, and we can start making some plans... assuming circumstances will permit it.

So, now we have a new Torus... and a new fascist regime to go along with it. The idea that the Austronesians might reach us before Europe did was always a possibility, but I do not think anyone expected -- or wanted to consider the possibility, perhaps -- that they might make their entrance in such a fashion. Now, here we sit, surrounded by their warships. The European officials have all been replaced, predictably, by an Austronesian 'provisional' government. The elected councillors retain their positions, but who knows how much power they will actually be able to wield, under the close and threatening scrutiny of an occupying force known for executing traitors by explosive decompression. Hordes of Austronesian military personnel (which are conspicuously not being referred to as an occupying force) are jammed into the hotels of B-hab, with countless more likely waiting on the ships.

The Academy has been closed since their arrival, but is now scheduled to reopen Monday morning. Things seem to be edging towards an appearance of normalcy -- appearance being the key word. Most, if not all, of the unpleasantness, I'm sure, will occur behind firmly-closed doors.

Who can say what is to come...? Will the Austronesians stop at Perseity? Something tells me, unfortunately, that the answer is 'no.' What will happen to Eho, to the Auia there? Or here, for that matter? I have the sneaking suspicion that the new regime will be somewhat less accommodating than anything we currently have to put up with. If --or when -- they do make some sort of move to threaten those I care about, what then? It is unpleasant to contemplate; but I don't want to sit about waiting for the reality to materialize either...

Talia, of course, is bound to be right in the middle of things. She has been summoned to some sort of emergency meeting tomorrow where she expects that she will meet a new Austronesian overseer of the Talaria team... The idea does not sit well with her, needless to say. She has never been one to stick to safe topics or questions... I would never try to stop her from doing something she believes in, but I do worry about her getting into some sort of trouble. Perhaps if there were something that I could do, I would not feel so helpless. I have always preferred reason to rash, radical actions, but now... I have never known anything like this in my lifetime. How does one begin to be a revolutionary?

Well, that is one situation more or less resolved -- or, if not resolved, at least somewhat improved. I went down to the detention centre in G-hab this afternoon after class, to speak to Gladia Loomis regarding Waiwai's treatment. She was utterly unable, or unwilling, to understand that his requirement for a nocturnal lifestyle was a matter of physiology rather than preference. She insists on making some sort of example of him, proving that her institution is not 'soft on Auia,' or some such rubbish. Of course, this has nothing to do with him being an Auia. Humans of course have no direct parallel to the iui, but there are certainly conditions or circumstances which would produce the same effects as Waiwai's enforced diurnal schedule -- I have no doubt that these would be accommodated without complaint by the good director.

Bureaucratic ignorance notwithstanding, a suitable (or close enough to it, at any rate) compromise was reached -- much to the surprise, and possibly even dismay, of Ms. Loomis. She had suggested that the only way her facility could possibly meet Waiwai's needs would be to place him in solitary confinement. I was somewhat displeased at first by her inflexibility; but given Waiwai's distaste for humans at the best of times, the idea of separation from the other inmates as well as a restoration of a proper lighting scheme was quite appealing to him...

I must say, I was rather appalled at his condition. He might be something of a disagreeable individual, but to see someone in such a state... Well, I am not sure he was even entirely aware of what was going on, anymore. He seemed to think that the centre personnel were attempting to torture a confession out of him -- which was not too terribly far from the truth, to my mind. Hopefully within a couple of days of his relocation he will have settled down to something resembling normal. I shall have to look in on him again at that time... Loomis said that she would keep me appraised of his situation, but I have less than complete confidence in that assurance.